Post Vacation Blues

It’s Sunday evening, two days after returning from a fantastic two week holiday and I think I’m feeling a bit blue. Not only is life resuming back to normal of household chores and daily routines, but I’ll also be returning to work on Monday. My friends who I went away with call it the Post Vacation Blues.

Vacation postpartum blues

My son and I started our two week vacation camping with several other families at Alice Lake. It was arguably one of my most memorable camping trips because I really got to see my teenage son smile and be excited. It’s been a long time seeing that genuine smile from him. He’s typically quite socially withdrawn and recluse from people, especially with kids around his age, but this time around for some reason he was really engaged with all the kids there. Ontop of that, I got to see him make a new friend. And not just any friend, but a girl. My 15 year old son made a really good connection with a 13 year old girl whom he met for the first time. She was visiting from Seattle and the niece of one of the families there. I was amazed and pleased by how much they talked to each other and how they shared so much in common from their sullen demeanor to their infatuation with the video game the Legend of Zelda. One night, they even stayed up until 1 a.m. talking around the campfire about school, life and their parents, while most of us were already asleep (naturally, I eavesdropped a little!) I brought some of the kids to the lake and together they shared a kayak, chatting and laughing away. It was extremely sweet watching him smile and clearly having a good time. The weather was beautiful throughout the entire camping weekend and I shared it with the three other wonderful families there, eating, drinking, laughing and playing games until midnight.

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Immediately after the camping trip, we returned home to clean up because in a matter of eight hours, we would be off to the Dominican Republic. Again, it was such a fun-filled trip shared with one of my best friend, his wife and five kids. We lazed at the beach, played volleyball, swam in the ocean and pool, ate, drank and played games in our air conditioned room until midnight, every night. It was my son’s first international trip and I’m glad he got to experience it, seeing the world outside of Canada and the United States. He got to see how unfortunate the living conditions are as we drove by the suburbs towards our resort. He got to appreciate how hard working the people are there just to make sure we had a pleasant time at the hotel. I’m thrilled that he had such a fun time as well, laughing with his friends and sleeping well through the night in our villa. These happy moments that he experienced in the past two weeks are sometimes few and far between for him and I’m glad to share that experience and memory with him.

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Although I feel a little blue about missing the great time we had over the past 14 days, I know it’s temporary and that I just need to get back into the rhythm tomorrow. It’s difficult because of what I call the “crash” where I got so stimulated with excitement in the past two weeks and in contrast, I’m now sitting quietly at home in my lonely apartment with my cat Inori (who refuses to come out of hiding for some strange reason). I sat with my feelings of depression and meditated for a while and understood why I’m feeling this way. I miss the laughter, the families, the sounds, the games, seeing my son smile, relaxing without thinking about work and household chores, eating out every night, sharing drinks with my friends, listening to the sounds of the ocean and watching the sunset at the beach. In short, I miss the good times.

But I applied what I learned over the years and allowed myself the space to feel blue. I decided to write because it’s cathartic and also to treat myself to a cup of tea and some nectarines. I took a bath (in some sea salt that I purchased to remind me of the ocean!) and I decided I won’t fight my feelings but simply allow it to flow in and out of me with acceptance and self-compassion.

Admittedly, I do feel better now that I’ve transferred my thoughts into this blog so I think I’ll get ready for bed and prepare myself for bootcamp in the morning, followed by work and dinner with my friend Denise in the evening.

It was a glorious two week vacation for me and I know there will be more down the road, so I just need to be patient. In the meantime, I’ll savour the memories and hang on to them with a smile on my face.

Have a good night everyone….and behold, Inori just came out of hiding to greet me!

Jason

 

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